I once had a colleague who continued to put herself down during meetings and in 1:1 conversations. She had mastered the art of self-deprecation. Criticizing her own actions and abilities in front of others was her way of building rapport and gaining a laugh from others.
What she didn’t realize was how harmful this habit of self-deprecation was to her overall well-being. She was miserable in her job and in a constant state of victimhood; not understanding that her reality was a direct reflection of how she was treating herself.
I see this habit of self-deprecation in so many women–intentionally or even unconsciously putting themselves down in an attempt to win others over. This technique will pull you away from your goals and tear your dreams down to a crumble.
Here’s the message to all you ModWomen CEOs: If you want to achieve your dreams you need to only use high-vibe words when speaking about yourself to yourself or to others. Respect yourself Wonder Woman. If you don’t, know one else will.
A quick list of self-deprecating statements to stop right now.
- “I’m sorry”: This is the worst of all the statements. Many women misuse the word sorry. Saying it all the time for any reason. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It becomes such a habit that some women even start saying sorry for other people…even when a sorry isn’t necessary. Knock it off. Every time you say sorry you weaken yourself and give away your power. Now, if you honestly hurt someone, yes, say sorry. But if sorry just keeps flying out of your mouth because it feels like something you “have to say”, or automatically say because of a mental program, it’s time to stop. Choose a different phrase in replace of it. My favorite is, Thank you! Now that’s a super high-vibe phrase that has everyone feeling good.
- “I’m just bad at (x), that’s why this is happening”: When you blame yourself for everyday occurrences, the comic relief and rapport building you think is benefiting your relationships is actually destroying the most important relationship you have in your life–the one with yourself. If you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself it’s not possible to have a healthy relationship with anyone else. That includes your kids, family, significant others, friends or even your dog. Again, this statement gives away your power and hurts your soul. Try replacing it with an authentic statement like, the truth. “This is happening because the technology isn’t working.” “This is happening because my dog ate my homework!” You get my point.
- Anything negative about your body: Your body was the first spiritual gift you were given in this life. It’s beautiful, magical and strong. Most importantly, it’s alive! Respect it. Love it. And be kind to it with your words. There are millions of self-deprecating statements women say about their bodies at any given time…and each one is as harmful as the other. Tell your body everyday five things you like about it. Every morning, look in the mirror and practice giving your body compliments as though it was someone else. Do this for 30-days and I guarantee you’re going to feel better about yourself inside and out.
You are an amazing powerful being, ModWoman. You deserve to hear words of kindness and respect not only from others, but from yourself.